Why any post is better than no post...

Apologies for the silence, I will return shortly...

In Munich, back here Wednesday 10th October.

In the meantime, a display of raw beauty from arguably the best female voice alive today. In vino veritas indeed Amy.

Universal guy truths

After a few gossipy posts of late, I had every intention of raising standards today. Until I woke up feeling like Amy Winehouse minus the talented genius bit. So I am afraid as a casualty of last night's Shiraz session, the bar (in the metaphorical sense) is going to be lowered even further by perhaps one of the most laughable things I have read in a long time: an on-line article from Men's Health entitled: "50 Things Men Wish You Knew."

If it weren't for my fuzzy head, I would have been inclined to copy and past the entire freaking thing here and rip it apart, item by item. However, I won't do that to you. (Funny how hangovers are a shortcut to efficiency). Rather, I shall share with you only the top 5 "universal guy truths" that "all women should understand":

22. When you get angry over some stupid little pointless thing, I question your intelligence. And when you get all pissed off and cry after your team loses, I question your intelligence.

34. Being good in bed means a) enthusiasm; b) a sense of humor; and sometimes c) patience. So have enthusiasm ("OhMiGod! I can't WAIT to have sex with you!!!"), have a sense of humor, ("OhMiGod! Wasn't it soooo funny when you farted during foreplay"), and have patience. (aka Don't put too much pressure on him if he turns out to be crap in bed. Just wait it out.)

8. No question need ever be asked through a closed bathroom door if I'm inside. I love you less with each syllable you utter. Right. Never talk to a man when he's in the toilet. It's his quiet time and he needs to be alone. In silence...or else he'll get so annoyed he'll love me less. Got it.

30. Spring means baseball and skirts. Doesn't need to be a mini-skirt; it's been a long winter. I'm so sorry you've had to look at me in jeans all this time. I probably should have just sucked it up and wore a skirt during that blizzard.

39. Sure, men stereotypically like to solve a woman's problems. But a woman who solves her own while we watch? Instant erection.What more motivation do I need to solve my own problems than knowing it turns you on?! Perfect!

Hate Mail

When life feels all too unpredictable I pick up a copy of the Daily Mail. It is one of the few things that consistently provoke the same emotion in me: hatred. Okay, maybe George Bush's smirk could be used to the same effect but I wanted an excuse to link to this.

And there is no getting around the evil in one of their headlines today which reads "Enormous Milla shows what NOT to wear when you are pregnant" and features photos of an eight months pregnant Milla Jovovich wearing a flowing gown to the world premiere of her latest film. The nerve. She must have missed the memo that explains how you are supposed to look as slim as possible when you're just days away from giving birth.

For Christ's sake, she's PREGNANT. She is one of Hollywood's most beautiful women, and she's getting hate mail from the voice of Middle England for looking "too big" when she's eight months pregnant. Some world we live in.

Paris goes down

I nominate David Letterman as City Slicker 'Man Of The Week'. Why? Because his interview with Paris Hilton on Friday was hilarious. David asks Paris question after question about her time in jail even though she is there to promote her new perfume. I can't decide what my favourite part is, but when he offers to buy her a parakeet if she keeps talking about her time in the slammer is pretty high up there. It looks like her canary head is about to explode. Note to producers: now that really would boost ratings.