Universal guy truths
If it weren't for my fuzzy head, I would have been inclined to copy and past the entire freaking thing here and rip it apart, item by item. However, I won't do that to you. (Funny how hangovers are a shortcut to efficiency). Rather, I shall share with you only the top 5 "universal guy truths" that "all women should understand":
22. When you get angry over some stupid little pointless thing, I question your intelligence. And when you get all pissed off and cry after your team loses, I question your intelligence.
34. Being good in bed means a) enthusiasm; b) a sense of humor; and sometimes c) patience. So have enthusiasm ("OhMiGod! I can't WAIT to have sex with you!!!"), have a sense of humor, ("OhMiGod! Wasn't it soooo funny when you farted during foreplay"), and have patience. (aka Don't put too much pressure on him if he turns out to be crap in bed. Just wait it out.)
8. No question need ever be asked through a closed bathroom door if I'm inside. I love you less with each syllable you utter. Right. Never talk to a man when he's in the toilet. It's his quiet time and he needs to be alone. In silence...or else he'll get so annoyed he'll love me less. Got it.
30. Spring means baseball and skirts. Doesn't need to be a mini-skirt; it's been a long winter. I'm so sorry you've had to look at me in jeans all this time. I probably should have just sucked it up and wore a skirt during that blizzard.
39. Sure, men stereotypically like to solve a woman's problems. But a woman who solves her own while we watch? Instant erection.What more motivation do I need to solve my own problems than knowing it turns you on?! Perfect!