Thursday, July 20, 2006

Thou shalt not wear socks

It is set to remain warm, if not roasting, over the next few weeks despite rumours that we have hit the crest of the heat wave. And there is no clearer sign that this weather is unusual for Britain, than the current fashion on London's streets.

There is a collective national problem: how to not let dress sense melt in the heat. It is quite understandable given the limited days of sunshine it gets a year. But whilst the English are not expected to set the international standard for shorts wearing (that was lost along with the Empire), they shouldn't be relieved of all obligation to consider issues such as style, proportion or coordination.

And if you have no interest in fashion whatsoever, this should apply to your mating instincts. Men, in case you are wondering why, come summer, women find it particularly hard to take you seriously, look no further than your Scoutmaster shorts. Women, if you are wondering why you haven't met his family yet, your Ann Summers corset tops may play a part, save them for indoors.

So in the interests of summer lovin' a few tips on what to wear so if not to attract, you cease to repel, the opposite sex in heat, sorry in the heat.

Take One. 'You Jane, Me Tarzan' meets London's urban jungle:

Shorts Jane, shorter is usually better. Even if our legs are more Jade Goody than Kate Moss. Diesel hot pants are all the rage (£90), found in the huge, new flagship store at 130 Bond Street, W1 (http://www.diesel.com). Tarzan, 3/4 length must be avoided at all cost (the 90s still has that to answer for.) Same goes for sports shorts. They are vulgar unless actually doing sport. And combat shorts with bulging pockets are starting to look dated. Shorts have gone the way of the rest of fashion - tailored and smart.

Sandals. Jane, almost anything goes. Except Teva's, why? How many puddles did you wade through today? Tarzan, sandals are the Menaissance (see yesterday) kiss of death. What sort of hunting, gathering, chasing, or fighting can be down with exposed feet? And flip flops you dare ask? They turn your already crusty feet black. What woman will let that into bed? So, we don't even need to broach socks, sandals are over. (Still need proof? check out www.sandalandsoxer.co.uk). But, if you absolutely must, the new Wish Cast model (£39.99)from Clarks (www.clarks.co.uk) with closed toes is borderline acceptable.

Tops. Jane, do we need the Suffolk police to remind us that white shirts = nude bra? And if you still can't conceal those bra straps, try www.straptamers.com. Because we are not male peacocks. Only you should know the colour of your bra. Tarzan, resist pictures of naked women on t-shirts. Makes us think you still read cartoons. Never a turn on. But, still marginally better than nothing. Shirts ON, please. There is only one real jungle boy.

13 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok shirt going back on, but it is sooooooo hot Slicker
Melt Melt
But not wearing sandals

2:57 pm  
Anonymous Tim said...

Flip flops are gross
Glad somebody mentioned about teh black feet
Last night took me 20 minutes to wash mine clean
Tim

4:06 pm  
Blogger ian said...

It's part of a process of European integration. Birkenstocks and socks are de rigeur on the mainland.

90 quid for hotpants? What are they made of? Gold?

8:23 pm  
Blogger City Slicker said...

Leave European integration to Easy Jet.

I know £90 are mad, but once Kate Moss wears them we want them.

Such is life
Thanks Ian

7:53 am  
Blogger ian said...

Well I suppose that might explain the appeal of Pete Docherty but still....

7:08 pm  
Blogger City Slicker said...

Indeed, that is Doherty's ONLY credibility.

12:56 am  
Blogger City Slicker said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:56 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Went into Clarks yesterday. The sandals you recommend are popular. Better stock on internet. Thanks City Slicker

4:58 pm  
Blogger City Slicker said...

Did anyone else read Tim Dowling's column in G2 of the Guardian yesterday about men and sandals? (http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,,1830857,00.html) Wondering if he is a closet City Slicker reader. Am keeping my eye on him!

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