Waxing nativity

Opening up the Metro this morning to find David Beckham lounging in tight white speedos on a yacht in the Italian Riviera, didn't evoke the expected female response. (Although it did occur to me that he bears a striking resemblance to The David). But more digressive than that, I wondered if Posh and Becks get waxed together. Never a spokesperson for the Menaissance, Beckham looked particularly shorn.

Whilst I am still disheartened by how he played in the World Cup, this morning I gained a new respect for Becks. Waxing, after all, involves gluing your hairs to a piece of fabric, and then ripping the fabric from your skin. If this is your idea of a good time, go and have a smear test. Or try a sliding tackle on astroturf.

Today Becks unknowingly showed us that the feminist struggle has not all been in vain afterall. Becks not only feels our pain, he shares in it. Women, saddled with society's constructs of beauty (if you need proof read Naomi Wolf's, The Beauty Myth) have been voluntarily getting things waxed for years. The beauty industry even constructs euphemisms such as a 'Brazilian' or a 'Hollywood' to describe a total stranger bearing a pot of wax heated to boiling point coming near your private parts. The ultimate dignity freefall.

And why you ask, do women do this? Apparently it is because men see actresses in films (not the Disney variety, mind you) and find it attractive. Hence, the reference to Brazil and Hollywood, the two lands of bodied babes. So society encourages us women to endure pain and discomfort, that we have to pay for, in order to look like strippers. Just when we thought the 'Brazilian' was as authentic as fancy football and caiprinhas.

So you see, by Beckham going for the 'sac, back, and crack wax' (beauty industry jargon) he is making the ultimate statement of relationship parity to Posh. After all, we know she has endured her fair share of nips, pulls, and tucks. But, then again, they have always been a more modern couple than most; I doubt she earns two-thirds less than him to start. No, with Posh and Becks, it's share, and share alike. Like wife, like husband. Now isn't that beautiful?

For the real deal:

Otylia Roberts Beauty Centre at Greenhouse, 142 Wigmore Street, London W1U 3SH (020 7486 5537). Waxist to Posh herself, Otylia's Brazilian hot waxes are legendary - and there are no strips involved. Hot wax is smeared thickly over the area, left for a few seconds and then swiftly ripped off by hand. Ask for Cassie. Costs £49. www.otyliaroberts.co.uk

For a less intimate setting, but more reasonable price list head east on Wigmore Street to Depilex Health Studios. 45-47 Wigmore Street, London, W1U 1PS. (0207 486 0852)