Pick a fight day

I read Grazia magazine. There, I have said it. And whilst this is not an habitual occurrence it does correlate with stress, the more of the latter, the more frequent the former. And so it was, as I toddled along to the Tube last night in search of vacuous escapism, I turned to this week's copy. And whilst any (regular) reader will know, the 'quality' varies week to week (men stop snickering, we know you snag it from our bag whence given the chance), this week's tripe was the epitome of silly season insult.

Even for Grazia, a nadir had been reached. Four out of the top 10 stories that they deemed 'are bothering us this week' concerned Hollywood couples on the brink: from Bradgelina breakdown, to Ritchie-Madge meltdown, to surly Liz Hurley, it was only fitting that Grant and Kahn be deemed a world con. And this would all be celebrity fitting, if today wasn't 30th August, the one day of the year when us mortals are also most likely (or at least have a 'scientific' excuse) to fall out.

That's right, Paula Hall, sexual and relationship psychotherapist, (a profession self-declared by most of us after a glass too many) has a theory that post-holiday blues combined with the end of the summer and no more bank holidays until Christmas conspire together to make 30th August, 'Pick a Fight Day', as tensions percolate and (apparently) serve to damage the well-being of many relationships. Dr. Hall says her argument can be explained by a simple equation: Post-Holiday Depression + Financial Strains - Lack of Light/Domestic Chaos = Relationship Stress.

Sounds pretty reasonable to us. And for once, the outlined condition is not left just afflicting us plebs. Rather, the asinine pipings from the celeb relationship circuit actually give us a reason to smirk glibly, despite the core of jealousy induced by three wrinkle-free Charlie's Angels. But when has the media ever given us a complete reprieve? And in order of nausea inducement, we have:

Angelina: "The fight was over how Brad behaves when he is away-running around, drinking and smoking." Surely, to a woman infamous for carrying a vial of her ex's (Billy Bob Thornton) blood around her neck, a few fags and a whiskey can't be that usurious?

Madonna: "Our new regime involves cutting down the time he spends on PlayStation and listening to me talk about my career for 30 minutes a week. We are also scheduling time for sex three times a week. " Madge darling, we know you hate to look your age, but couldn't you at least find a man that acts his? And PlayStation never doth equal sex, Like a Virgin should even know that much.

Liz: "I am planning 10 outfits for my wedding party so I can literally change morning, noon, and night." Translation: In case anybody were to forget it's all about me, me, me. Oh and Hugh too, sorry I mean, and You too.

Jemima: "The more vacations we have, the stronger our relationship remains. When we stay at home we just don't get along " Amen, sister. We just hope you don't run out of places to go.

So there we have it, Dr. Hall, you (with the help of Grazia) have inadvertedly supplied us with an equation to inverse relationship happiness. Or just a shameless bout of schadenfreude. Either way, we won't fight over it, if just for today.

But if you are still left wanting more farcical laughs at the expense of others, head to:

Shakespeare's Globe, the reconstruction of the famed open-roofed theatre, to watch The Comedy of Errors. It's a slapstick, highly farcical plot that should, if nothing else, make the trials and tribulations of Grazia look even more a tragedy.

Best value (and atmosphere) are the £5 standing/yard seats which you can usually buy on the day. But beware: it's real theatre not the disneyfied version more usually found on the forecourts of Las Vegas casinos. It's not a tourist spectacle, you'll annoy other theatre-goers if you just use it as an easy way to see the interior: go on a guided tour instead.

And for any women interested to know why mustard yellow jumpers and leggings are the fashion rage this season. A few of the costumes should give you a hint. Until 7th October.
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