Thursday, December 21, 2006

Question time

In a vain attempt to escape the Guardian's Best of 2006 lists this morning, I turned to another trusted source, the New York Times website. And what did I find but yet another list:"Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying." Relieved at a topic far removed from Christmas, I jumped on it to only be reminded why everybody in New York turns to a shrink and why everybody in London turns to a drink: in the former they can't stop analysing and in the latter they won't start. To think such a survey has been top of the New York Times most read list all week must shed light on the state of sex in the City.

But healthy scepticism aside, how could a purported 'relationship expert's' report on marital compatibility cite"Will there be a television in the bedroom?" as one of the critical questions couples should discuss before marrying? Certainly that is not as fundamental as "Did you vote for George Bush?", "Are you a scientologist sympathiser?" and "Do you read the Daily Mail?" Or in Brangelina's case "Will you carry my blood (I mean flesh and blood)?" And while on the topic, I still think it is such a shame they opted against naming their child Jendayi (pronounced Jen-Die, beat that!). Its African origin means "give thanks" and from Angelina's recent press pimping it sounds as though she is blood thirsty to tell Jen "Thanks so much for letting us stray."

But enough celebrity tripe. And back to questions couples should ask before marriage. I have listed ones important to me - what are yours?


Anonymous HeartyBowl said...

#1) Do you smoke in bed?

#2) Do you fart in bed?

#3) Do you pee in bed?

Because where else do you spend half your life with someone else?

5:05 pm  
Anonymous Henry said...

Do you like me?

I wish I had asked my ex wife that a long time ago. Would have saved me £££.

5:07 pm  
Anonymous gh said...

Ask yourself when the female is upset or angry, the male should....
1 -be comforting
2- ask what the problem is
3- try to solve the problem
4- tell her to get over it
5 -apologize. She's already decided it's yourfault anyway

Chaps if you answer falls at 3 or below. Stay single. You haven't a clue.

5:11 pm  
Anonymous Claire said...

Bless you CS from the overdose of Christmasy readings.

Now for my one --

"Will you buy me tampons?" :-)

5:15 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GH - you are one smart guy (I assume you are a guy btw).

Mine would be - would you expect me to live by a different set of standards (behaviour, living etc) than you have for yourself?

5:19 pm  
Anonymous badgelady said...

Awww henry I feel sad for you. We like you. Happy Christmas :-)

5:21 pm  
Anonymous honkman said...

What a stupid list!
Now I am certain I am never getting married and double certain never to a New Yorker. Bollocks to that.

5:31 pm  
Anonymous dawnbysea said...

honkman you are a freak
cs is a new yorker and as you read this blog everyday you know that.
why intentionally stir shit?

anyways - my question would have to be X Factor or Strictly Come?

5:48 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it all has to come down to will you put nothing else ahead of me, not even football?

5:52 pm  
Anonymous tanya said...

CS - did you stop to think compatibility does not hinge on some personal inventory of traits. Compatibility isn't something you have. It's something you make. It's a process, one that you negotiate as you go along. Again and again. It's a disposition, an attitude, a willingness to work.

And while we're redefining compatibility, let's banish its more combustible cousin, "chemistry," that black box of a term too often invoked to denote the magic ingredient of a good relationship. Chemistry is an alluring concept, but much too frequently people use it to absolve themselves of the need to consciously examine their approach to one another. As if the muse of love will alight on their shoulder and sprinkle fairy dust on them, and then they will suddenly open their eyes and behold The Perfect Mate—without prying open their own heart, embracing an unwavering willingness to see the other in a positive light or doing the hard work of exploring, knowing and respecting another human being.

5:55 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

People assume compatibility as a baseline requirement, then want more. "I want him to fit in with my family and do all the things I love to do—and he should be sexy, and he should take me out to cool places." I think you can have an even more fulfilling relationship if you respect each other's worlds, and learn a little bit from each other. I always think of the phrase, "You've met your match." You really do want someone who challenges and spars with you

5:56 pm  
Anonymous Dave, a script writer said...

Er, Honkman, Tanya: Sensitivity to the issue of compatibility may be in and of itself a sign of trouble.

5:57 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree compatibility is overrated. The similarities or personality traits that attract people to each other may not hold up over time. You might be attracted to someone because you both love to ski, but then one of you blows out a knee. When people are divorcing, they'll say, "We have nothing in common." But they have kids, a house and 30 years of shared experience. Values about money and children run very deep and are important. The surface ones—antiques, sports, travel and gourmet coffee—don't matter.

5:57 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Will I be able to talk to her when I am too old to shag her?

Is she younger than me?

6:38 pm  
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5:44 am  
Anonymous hb said...

What did she buy me for Christmas? No pressure...

9:09 am  
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11:35 am  
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7:22 pm  

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