What a croc!

There are women other women love to hate and women other women hate to love. And then there are women other women would love to hate but need a reason: enter Kate Middleton. Sorry but who goes to Mahiki clad in nautical stripes? Perhaps the same press pimping princess who dare be cast under the curse of Crocs. The hideous things look like clumsy rubbery clogs with large perforations. They're called Crocs because they resemble a reptile's snout.

But really I am not that petty. My now overflowing (think Tewkesbury) dislike of Kate M (not to be confused with the beloved Moss) has nothing to do with fashion and everything to do with farce. Lest you forget Toiletgate. From the start their break-up just didn’t smell right. She has always had the look on her face like there’s a bewildered canary fluttering behind her pearly white grill.

Now it's all back on between Kate and Wills and the press is left with egg on its face. Bluff, double-bluff. Just weeks ago Kate was making new paparazzi complaints and today she is the centrefold of a state-sponsored photo op. You didn't for a second think that after the recent BBC fake pictures scandal the meedja would risk printing anything not signed, sealed and photo shopped by Her Royal Majesty, did you?

But maybe I am being harsh. After all, how is a practicing princess to get noticed in today's media scrum? It's not as if she can start flashing her bits around like Britney. No wonder she had to resort to charity.