Monday, June 25, 2007

The Real 'Simple Life'

Paris is set for release tomorrow after serving 23 days of her 45-day sentence. Yet, it seems that the entire hype about her first post-prison interview may not materialise into anything. But we are not bovvered because we have our own unofficial update to the Paris Hilton Prison Diaries:

Day 9: Mail today. One piece. A small note from Nicky. She wrote, "Ya know that band from a long time ago, 10,000 Maniacs? There were only, like, five people in that band."

Day 15: What is time? How do we measure it? What does it mean? I find these questions on my mind more and more, especially since someone stole my Audemars Piguet watch. Shame.

Day 19: While walking in the yard today, I was put in the mind of Rilke's "Requiem for a Friend." "For somewhere an ancient enmity exists between our life and the great works we do." This, I feel, is my plight. My life is in a constant struggle with my works: my "works" being staying out late and buying stuff. Also the word "enmity" is a hard one and looks misspelled to me.

Day ??: I have stopped counting the days. I live in the now.

What is freedom? It's not free, that's for sure. It's "free" with "dom." And that seems right to me. I feared prison once. I see it now as a great gift. Once, I wondered if I would have to wait in a chow line. Is there a way around it, I wondered? A kind of "chow bouncer". How funny to think back. Because there is a chow bouncer. And her name is Brick. And she hates me.

Lately I'm identifying with the Jews and all the horrible things that happened to them during Vietnam.

Brick said to me today, "Ya know, I stayed in a Marriott once. And truth be told, I'd rather stay in prison."

We both laughed. And then she beat me up.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG - hysterical CS!

12:06 pm  
Anonymous buffoon said...

-Lindsey Lohan gets drunk and does cocaine and gets into car accidents.

-Britney Spears had a breakdown of some sort and shaved her head.

-Paris Hilton got stopped for multiple DUIs (or DWIs, depending on where you live) and is in jail.

-Nicole Richie was drunk/high and ended up driving the wrong way on the freeway.

All of these things are supposedly hilarious...?

They fall far short of any real irony, much less humor. Oh, by the way, Anna Nicole Smith is dead.

12:14 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

great!

12:41 pm  
Anonymous Jules said...

Very very funny and I reckon not far off!

1:05 pm  
Anonymous Samson said...

So she is being released on good behaviour? What the F^ck?? Thanks for a laugh about it tho.

3:06 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

is anyone else depressed by this weather? didn't think but maybe it's also that Paris is being released. that is too depressing for words. the silence has been golden!

3:42 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a wretched little whore!

enjoyed the diary shenanigans

4:36 pm  
Anonymous ella said...

rumour has it she is fed up with the colour orange !

5:25 pm  
Anonymous Tanya said...

Hilton will go on Larry King Wednesday night after her release, and, so they say, won't be paid for her appearance—which seems to have given her just the tiniest bit of legitimacy back?! Okay, maybe not!

9:24 am  
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