A Maternal Girl?

Madonna is famous and infamous for her sinful buffet of personas. She's been a geisha, a virgin, and a dominatrix, but she's always been an original. Which is what's so troubling about her latest reinvention. Why is she trying to be Angelina Jolie?

Madonna's current, hugely publicized trip to Malawi — the native country of her adopted son, David — is torn from the pages of The Canonization of Angelina. Bravely, Madge has scrubbed the makeup from her face (see Jolie, Angelina, Vanity-Free Goodwill Missions Of), visited orphanages (see: Jolie, Angelina, Demonstrations of Compassion for Orphaned Children By), and taken David to see his father (see Jolie, Angelina, Frequent Trips to Cambodia to Help Maddox Understand His Heritage Mandated By). But in striving to remind us she's really just a Maternal Girl at heart, Madonna's treading territory that feels très Jolie — and that "been-there, done-that" feeling is unusual when we're talking about a woman who put herself on a crucifix every night of her last tour.

But subtlety was never Madonna's strength. Though that's great when you're prancing around a stage in a leotard and top hat, the blatant approach doesn't work when you're peddling a softer, gentler side. And, really, she shouldn't be begging for people's regard like this in the first place. She's freaking Madonna. She's not supposed to be making plays for public affection, and she's certainly not supposed to be walking a trail someone else forged first. The Madonna of yore would want to slap her silly. And that we'd certainly tune in for.