Friday, September 29, 2006

Life imitates mockery

Ever feel that life is mocking you? Tempted to say, "no that is for self absorbed drama queens." I couldn't agree more. Well, until today. Tell me what you think. Last night I went to bed flipping through London Lite, and the other freebie with the funny font, with smug satisfaction over how faintly dowdy Gwynnie was looking these days. Now don't label me a nasty popsugar witch just yet. There is a little celebrity schadenfreude in all of us. And c'mon the macrobiotic, teetotaller, Prada wearing 'earth' mother, is the international face of Estee Lauder (who control 40% of the global cosmetics market, incidentally) so somebody whose opinion counts for multi-millions thinks differently.

But that was not the mockery. No, that came this morning on my run (post late night blog and Rioja binge) around Hyde Park. There I was galloping (okay, maybe that was the horses) past the Italian Fountains listening to the Arctic Monkeys on my Ipod (in honour of Gordon Brown's music taste) when I looked up to see none other than Gwynnie herself, replete with cascading over bleached hair (meow!) obviously trying to inspire the Rapunzel trend, shuffling (us runners can be ruthless) her way past with some 50 cent look-alike security bloke a few paces behind.

All of which left me wondering two things: is Coldplay on her Ipod; and if the alcohol and gluten free mum who finds inspiration in fruit and Kabbalah needs constant supervision, why doesn't Pete Doherty?

But that is enough about the waste of talent that is Steven Spielberg's god daughter and Brad Pitt's old fiancee (forgot about that, didn't you?), we have real trivia to spend our Friday skive time thinking about. So without further ado, we have the 9th edition of City Slicker's "Week's Action, Weekend Reaction."

1) Has all the drama surrounding size 0-0 models left you craving a bit of decadent flesh? React by checking out the Beryl Cook collection at the Portal Gallery. Cook's famous paintings of fat, ordinary, unassuming people combined with her trademark playful streak of vulgarity and naughtiness should be just the clinical catwalk antidote. Not open Sundays. Until 21 October.

2) Are the endless reports of soaring personal debts and bankruptcy rates, leaving you feeling guilty every time you splurge on noodles out at Wagamama's? React by reading Beyond Baked Beans: Budget a series of unpatronising , easy-to-follow recipes to help you start cooking for yourself without draining the overdraft. Invaluable for the single or flatmate shared city dwellers cupboard.

3) Does today's picture leave you less than convinced by Estee Lauder's miracle makeover powers? React by checking out the latest London make-up craze: all natural, mineral-based cosmetics. Leading the way is a range called Lily Lolo based in Farringdon. They ship next day samples of all their products for 99p/each. Annoyingly, granola Gwynnie would probably approve.


Anonymous Ted Hamming said...

She definitely looks very rough although never thought much of her to start.
Put on some sponsorship makeup woman.
She is out to get you City Slicker :-)

2:06 pm  
Blogger Moaner Lisa said...

Somebody needs to sit her down and make her eat three packets of museli in one sitting. With no milk. That should teach her. But can't see her hubby having the guts....

2:31 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who is more annoying her or Liz Hurley who she replaced on Estee Lauder billboards?

Is she running off the baby fat from Moses? He must have really raised a tide :-)

3:00 pm  
Anonymous bighouselittleman said...

didnt she get on stage the other night at Royal Albert Hall and sing with Jay Z?

somebody needs to take martin out to the pub and talk him straight

get a rael bird mate

not just one that eats like one

3:07 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

why would she ever need a security guard?

who is going to take her out?

well maybe except you CS

3:15 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

she is one gawky bird

3:41 pm  
Anonymous Blythe said...

if you want to hear paltrow sing download 'cruisin' by Huey Lewis

3:42 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hair : gwyenth paltrow. She said in bazaar magazine that she takes these prenatal vitamins and they make her "blond overprocessed hair" her words not mine- "amazing and healthy"... Even thought I am blond and overprocessed myself.. I don't want to start taking these vitamins and become like fertile or something. I know that's gross but whatever. I know 6-9??? years from now I will be trying to have kids so I will look back on this and laugh.................................

3:49 pm  
Anonymous Jan said...

who reckons life for brad would have been easier with this broad than freakalina angelina?

he is just a good old midwetern boy who would have probably eaten up paltrow's snob in a nutshell approach

5:02 pm  
Anonymous dawnbysea said...

dont be put off
mineral makeup really does last
was recommended to use it by a dermie ages ago and would never switch back

samples are great when ordering on line so dont go spending heaps on the wrong colour swabs as well

5:06 pm  
Blogger Mr.D. said...

Thanks for calling by, Slicker

I may visit again, when I have more time...

7:05 pm  
Blogger Nabila said...

Thanks for you comment!!!
Your blog is much cooler than mine. You've got attitude. If I saw Gwyenth Paltrow while jogging, I would probably crash into the next tree.

9:41 pm  
Blogger Lady Luck said...

hi, thanks for visiting my blog.
what is the title of Doyle's new book?? I live in Italy and his books come out months later than in other countries

8:01 am  
Blogger City Slicker said...

The Roddy Doyle title is Paula Spencer.

8:52 am  
Blogger Lady Luck said...

thanks. is she the same character of the woman who walked into doors? did you read the old book and this new one? Did you like it?

5:58 pm  
Blogger Shep said...

It's the same character, but not a patch on the earlier stuff. I was saying the other day to a customer - whatever happened to the Roddy Doyle revolution? All that's left is some swearing and a bad cover of Mustang Sally in the Commitments film.

10:50 am  
Blogger City Slicker said...

Shep - I enjoyed Paula Spencer. But then again I can too often relate to the whimsical behaviour and thoughts of one fighting against the power of drink!

11:20 am  
Blogger Shep said...

Heh. Mebbe yer right - my newly found sanctimonious tee-totalness can often cloud my judgement LOL

2:47 pm  
Anonymous Mica said...

Just checked outr Lily Lolo and ordered some eye shadows and brushes. So cheap and cool how natural fibers are behind it.

Also ladies check out
Loads of organic makeup beauty kit etc.

And agree City Slicker, Gwynnie is not where it's at.

9:00 pm  
Anonymous Beth said...

Beryl Cook is a classic. Went on back of tip here this past Saturday afternoon. Better than Modigliani

Exhibit has everything not just seaside traditional ones and Portal Gallery is devoted over to it all

Don't miss

8:18 am  
Anonymous Kendra said...

Beryl Cook OBE "is without doubt Britain's best known and most popular painter" claims the Portal. This is a blurb I can believe. And she is self-taught, having started messing about with her son's paints in the 1940's. Her art took the saucy postcard into a whole new realm. She paints women as they are, not as we would like them to be.

10:09 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beryl Cook has been blackballed by the modern art establishment and one of the Tate’s four galleries should finally buy one of her pictures to mark her 80th birthday last week.

Thank you City Slicker for promoting one of England's greatest painters

10:12 am  
Blogger Monique said...

oh WOW what a great spotting! I'm sad to hear she looks so good in person though:( But then again when you have all the money in the world and all the time - you can keep up your looks! I remember when she was engaged to Brad - they had matching haircuts - shame that didn't last - I can't stand Saint Angelina. Ahhhh one of the great things about living in a city like London - great celeb spotting!

12:41 pm  
Blogger KathyF said...

My hubby runs in Hyde Park regularly. I'll have him keep a look out. I live out here in Ozzy land, but I've never spotted him on the trail. More's the pity. I did see Judi Densch in Tesco, or at least it looked like her.

3:15 pm  
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