Life imitates mockery

Ever feel that life is mocking you? Tempted to say, "no that is for self absorbed drama queens." I couldn't agree more. Well, until today. Tell me what you think. Last night I went to bed flipping through London Lite, and the other freebie with the funny font, with smug satisfaction over how faintly dowdy Gwynnie was looking these days. Now don't label me a nasty popsugar witch just yet. There is a little celebrity schadenfreude in all of us. And c'mon the macrobiotic, teetotaller, Prada wearing 'earth' mother, is the international face of Estee Lauder (who control 40% of the global cosmetics market, incidentally) so somebody whose opinion counts for multi-millions thinks differently.

But that was not the mockery. No, that came this morning on my run (post late night blog and Rioja binge) around Hyde Park. There I was galloping (okay, maybe that was the horses) past the Italian Fountains listening to the Arctic Monkeys on my Ipod (in honour of Gordon Brown's music taste) when I looked up to see none other than Gwynnie herself, replete with cascading over bleached hair (meow!) obviously trying to inspire the Rapunzel trend, shuffling (us runners can be ruthless) her way past with some 50 cent look-alike security bloke a few paces behind.

All of which left me wondering two things: is Coldplay on her Ipod; and if the alcohol and gluten free mum who finds inspiration in fruit and Kabbalah needs constant supervision, why doesn't Pete Doherty?

But that is enough about the waste of talent that is Steven Spielberg's god daughter and Brad Pitt's old fiancee (forgot about that, didn't you?), we have real trivia to spend our Friday skive time thinking about. So without further ado, we have the 9th edition of City Slicker's "Week's Action, Weekend Reaction."

1) Has all the drama surrounding size 0-0 models left you craving a bit of decadent flesh? React by checking out the Beryl Cook collection at the Portal Gallery. Cook's famous paintings of fat, ordinary, unassuming people combined with her trademark playful streak of vulgarity and naughtiness should be just the clinical catwalk antidote. Not open Sundays. Until 21 October.

2) Are the endless reports of soaring personal debts and bankruptcy rates, leaving you feeling guilty every time you splurge on noodles out at Wagamama's? React by reading Beyond Baked Beans: Budget a series of unpatronising , easy-to-follow recipes to help you start cooking for yourself without draining the overdraft. Invaluable for the single or flatmate shared city dwellers cupboard.

3) Does today's picture leave you less than convinced by Estee Lauder's miracle makeover powers? React by checking out the latest London make-up craze: all natural, mineral-based cosmetics. Leading the way is a range called Lily Lolo based in Farringdon. They ship next day samples of all their products for 99p/each. Annoyingly, granola Gwynnie would probably approve.