Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Yuffers anonymous

I have come clean with my undying admiration for Kate Moss before. This is often rebutted with disdained contempt by those who claim she is heroin chic not heroine chic. Somebody has to look good in skinny jeans I retort, and it surely isn't the rest of us bumping and grinding our way (sorry that was a belated ode to International Pole Dance Day) along the bedroom floor trying to squeeze real size thighs into a pair. Which reminds me why I dislike Hugh Grant, barring an emotional relapse when watching About a Boy. It was his comment about Britney's thighs all those years back. See we really don't forgive and forget.

But we are digressing. No what is really on our minds lately is the new term trotted out to describe us female breed of urban professional. Men, don't turn away, chances are you know one or two of us rather intimately so there may be a thing or two gleamed by actually listening to us for a change. Gone are the days of Dinkies (dual income, no kids), and Orchids (one recent child, horribly in debt) now we are told to welcome in the Yuffers-young urban females, who typically spend more than they earn, binge career, and spend weekends at country spas.

So are we really Yuffer sufferers? Do we spend more than we earn? How about earn less than we deserve. Binge career? See previous answer for why that might be. But visit country spas? Now I don't know about you, but apart from some vague wistful glances at the reviews steaming up the recently opened Thermae Spa in Bath, the appeal of a relaxing 'girlie' spa weekend is all but lost on me. (But please bear in mind, yoga also makes me anxious not meditative. The two are probably correlated).

Please spa retreating yuffers explain, to the manic, Type A amongst us, why you are spending precious coinage (remember the glass ceiling is our figurative predicament, there is no need to seek out literal ones in the Sanctuary treatment rooms) for a weekend make-over without a man in sight to impress with the result? Because we always suspected country spa weekends are marketed to vulnerable Yuffers looking for an image massage in a pedicure foot pool.

But without treating our diagnosis with a dose of economic rationing, we can deduce that spa trips must be the variable cost in our overrun scenario. Because who honestly has more fun in a daytime seaweed wrap than a night-time sequined one? And isn't that why we suffer debt fuelled life as a Yuffer? Because girls just wanna have fun.

So exfoliate those shackles. Cancel the £110 oxygen microbrasian facial, put down the designer handbags, bought or rented, and take us up on some Yuffer salary-saver tips that even Madame Moss would approve. They may cost more than her latest £2.99 Superdrug handbag (pictured here) and reportedly bought by 50,000 of us in the past week, but remember we are worth a point.

Our Yuffers 3-step programme:

1) Dreading the inevitable fashion inadequacy spawned by the arrival of London Fashion Week? Resist surfing Net-a-Porter for that new Mulberry bag, and head to TopShop, the website not the real thing. Where you can find this seasons latest bags from £12-£70. The same ranges available as at the Oxford Street branch, but from the smugness of your work chair.

2) Sinking lower in career doldrums than Tony Blair? Keep your paycheck (how else are you going to afford this season's suede ankle boots?), and appease your need for stimulation with extracurricular activities. Learn more by heading to Courses for Adults Open Evening at City University on 19 Sept. Fees average £90-£110/semester.

3) In need of a little spa-like TLC after all? Check out the latest range of bath and beauty products, Soap & Glory, which comes to us from Marcia Kilgore (the brains behind the hugely successful Bliss spas). Formerly only available at Harvey Nicks now also stocked in Boots. Prices from £4.99.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

good to see old slick back on line,a good 4 out of 5. ps are you as sexy as you talk!

4:10 pm  
Anonymous Ella said...

Are there Yummers as well? Spending money on Guinness and kebabs and weekend petrol bills for trips to footie matches?

4:11 pm  
Anonymous Dee said...

Kate Moss rocks bugger the others. I got my hands on one of those Superdrug bags and just flipped it on ebay for £25.00. And they say coke doesnt pay??
Love your stuff Slicky

4:26 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Soap & Glory Glistening spray is the bomb. £5 in Boots used to be triple in Harvey Nicks. Also can now as of Sept order all of the range from Boots on-line.

4:34 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I personally love spa weekends. I find them truly relaxing and uplifting and they leave you feeling very healthy afterwards. A detox is good for the soul better than any binge session me thinks. The thermal Bath spa costs £19 to get in but is worth but treatmenst booked until October.

5:20 pm  
Blogger Rachel said...

I too am a Kate fan, much to the disgust of some of my 'friends'.

5:28 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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2:42 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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2:44 am  
Anonymous dawnbysea said...

Thanks Slicker
Who needs Time Out?

12:36 pm  

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